In 2020 when my first son was born an overwhelming flood of emotion hit me. The excitement of a person I had been waiting nine months to see, touch, smell, and hold was finally here. I had become a legitimate father for the first time. And with this new found excitement also cane a wave of anxiety and new responsibility. A new found hunger to be better, be healthier, be wiser, be more for someone that wasn’t me. And in these thoughts and feelings I believe lies the answer to “what is a father?” or “what is a good father”?
He’s A Dead-Beat, Is He Still A Father?
I know any man with sperm in their body can technically become a father but were not just talking about being a seed carrier. Or a guy that got a woman pregnant. Or even a donor of the sorts. We are talking about the man who takes the accountability, responsibility and care for his offspring. I think everybody knows a dead-beat, or a irresponsible, selfish human being that has unfortunately brought a child or children into this world through self fulfilled lust. And I would honestly argue that even though by a scientific definition they are a father but truthfully speaking they are no more than a donor at one of them sperm banks. I understand people make mistakes or some people through trauma and mental problems they have been influenced into different positions however, we aren’t talking about the minority.
So What’s The Answer?
What is a father? By definition it’s a man in relation to his child or children. In reality it’s so much more. When I think about fatherhood or being a father I have to default back to the original. Not my father, or his or any of my ancestors but God. One of the scriptures that comes to mind is Matthew 7:11 because it shows God’s fathership in comparison to man’s. The scripture says in comparison to God we are evil fathers and he is the righteous one God didn’t just create us but after creation sought to have a relationship with us and in this we find the example of how we ought to be as fathers. He became our father not just to save us from destruction from our own selves but to build us up, guide us, bless us with opportunity and abundance. Protect us, discipline us, and raise up to be different from the rest of the world. Through His vision of our lives he is able to cultivate us into what he sees best for us and gives us the example to do the same for our families. Fatherhood is about being a visionary. It’s about setting boundaries yet setting space for creativity and growth. Setting a foundation and pouring into our kids. Protecting them from this world that seeks to destroy them through drawing them away from us. Fatherhood is about giving your life for your children to show them that you love them just as our heavenly Father did the same for us. He came down to be an example and died in hopes we would recognize him in his efforts of love. A father is a tree that has seeds that go into the world and reproduces of its own kind.
In Summary I think we can conclude a few things. ..
A good father is:
- Selfless: puts his family before himself
- Builder: uses words to uplift and encourage growth and development
- Attentive: present and pays attention to what is needed
- Visionary: has and makes plans for the future of his family
- Protector: takes precautionary measures to protect from harm physically, spiritually, and mentally.
- Provider: provides the tools and resources necessary for health and prosperity
A bad father is:
- Selfish: only cares about himself and how he feels
- Tears downs: uses words to demean and destroy confidence
- Absent: not present mentally or physically
- Taker: takes from his family both the tangible and intangible
- Doesn’t provide: doesn’t give or pour into his family in any way shape or form
